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Doubts and Insecurity

Sorry I've been MIA for the last week. I got the flu right after Thanksgiving and promptly went down for the count.


I've talked before about several of the Facebook groups I'm part of and am a member of a couple others as well. I really like all the positive attitudes and inspirational stories that I see every time I log in. There is also another weird side effect of those stories. I don't feel like I'm good enough, or something enough when I think about how awesome everyone else is doing.

This member runs at a 9 minute mile and thinks they're slow. This member has lost 70 pounds so far this year. This member has been taken off their diabetes medication due to their hard work.

I know that it's all about hard work and these people were all once someone who thought "Dude, I need to fix this." I can't help comparing myself to what people have already done and not allowing myself the time to get there. No one did it overnight, and while I get that intellectually, emotionally I'm stuck that I'm not there and I psych myself out.

I have gotten to where I don't turn to food or sweets when I feel bad about how I'm not as amazing as I want to be. That is a victory. I'd love to get to a point where when I feel down I lace up my sneakers and get outside for a run, but not ordering pizza is a step in the right direction.

Sometimes I worry that I've been at this for so long, with such slow progress, that I'll never get to where I want to be. That voice is always in the back of my head saying "What's the point? It's not like you've lost 20 pounds this year. All you've done is maintain and not gotten better at running." What I'd happily and without hesitation celebrate for others I discount for myself.

I can't get over the emotional, self-doubting hump that I truly feel is feeding my slump. I just wish I could be more positive about myself and believe in myself as much as I believe in others.

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