Skip to main content

Doubts and Insecurity

Sorry I've been MIA for the last week. I got the flu right after Thanksgiving and promptly went down for the count.


I've talked before about several of the Facebook groups I'm part of and am a member of a couple others as well. I really like all the positive attitudes and inspirational stories that I see every time I log in. There is also another weird side effect of those stories. I don't feel like I'm good enough, or something enough when I think about how awesome everyone else is doing.

This member runs at a 9 minute mile and thinks they're slow. This member has lost 70 pounds so far this year. This member has been taken off their diabetes medication due to their hard work.

I know that it's all about hard work and these people were all once someone who thought "Dude, I need to fix this." I can't help comparing myself to what people have already done and not allowing myself the time to get there. No one did it overnight, and while I get that intellectually, emotionally I'm stuck that I'm not there and I psych myself out.

I have gotten to where I don't turn to food or sweets when I feel bad about how I'm not as amazing as I want to be. That is a victory. I'd love to get to a point where when I feel down I lace up my sneakers and get outside for a run, but not ordering pizza is a step in the right direction.

Sometimes I worry that I've been at this for so long, with such slow progress, that I'll never get to where I want to be. That voice is always in the back of my head saying "What's the point? It's not like you've lost 20 pounds this year. All you've done is maintain and not gotten better at running." What I'd happily and without hesitation celebrate for others I discount for myself.

I can't get over the emotional, self-doubting hump that I truly feel is feeding my slump. I just wish I could be more positive about myself and believe in myself as much as I believe in others.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

So, a Fat Nerd steps onto a scale...

I done did it, y'all. I got my scale out this morning. I can't say that I'm surprised, but I can say that I was hoping to be pleasantly surprised. Two hundred and freaking forty six pounds. It was a bit of a gut punch. I'm not happy. I know that I have lost weight since our move. I can see it in the mirror. I can tell by the way my clothes fit. But, as it stands this morning I have an official number. 246 Gross. Have I been heavier? Yes. Earlier this year. Have I (as an adult) been lighter? Yes... also earlier this year. Was I heavier when I got my ass in gear a few months ago? Yes. Can I do better? Also, yes. Am I going to be better? HELL YES!!! It's easy to pick a start date that is "later." You screw up on your new diet on Wednesday and decide to start over on Monday, or the first of the month, or the first of the year. Well, guess what? The first of the year is tomorrow. I'm not giving myself "one last night&
4 comments
Read more

Offically Looking into 2018

The new year is fast approaching and I, like most of the world, am looking for what is to come and looking back one what has been accomplished. When I look back at 2017 all in all I am happy with what was accomplished. -- I went from a job that I really liked that didn't pay the bills to a job that I love that does pay the bills. WIN -- I've lost 22.4 pounds while just half assing my efforts. WIN -- I've helped my husband get off his pre-diabetes medication and lose over 40 pounds. WIN -- I won NaNoWriMo 2017 and wrote over 50,000 words in November. WIN -- I am truly happy with where I see my future going. WIN I did not lose the 50 pounds I wanted to. I did not finish my novel. I did not make my 1000 purposeful miles. I did not get close to any of these goals that I shared on December 31, 2016. But I feel like I did achieve goal number 1 on that list. Goal number 1 was Happiness. I feel like I did that. I am happy. I feel at ease. I feel content. I feel a
2 comments
Read more

Seasonal Depression Has Kicked In, But I'm Still Kickin

Seasonal depression has a way of sneaking up on you. Looking back, I can see that my depression snuck in  about two and a half/three weeks ago.  It super hard this week.  I fell into my "exhausted for no reason" pattern and that's when I realized I'd slipped in. Tbis week, having realized I was mid-depressive episode I leaned into it to a certain extent. I had a couple days were I took un-necessary naps.  I didn't beat myself up for the days I slept in.  In the mean time I've also taken measures to combat my symptoms. I've made a point of spending time outside when the sun is out. I've made sure to eat healthy foods. I've snuggled with JackJack (my dog), and just allowed myself to be lazy and unmotivated. Today was my first day off by myself in over a week so I allowed myself a bit of chill and a bit of pampering.  I gave myself a facial, did an undereye treatment, and made my favorite meal.  I'm mixing it with some productive tasks as well
Post a Comment
Read more