Fat Nerd Fit

At midnight tonight, I will have survived the Holiday Season, which in America is October- January 1.  It has been a hell of a three months, but I'm still here. I'm going into 2020 with an unexpected car payment (my 2007 Ford Escape bit the big one and it was either buy a new car or buy a new engine....), a new plan, a new attitude, and high hopes.  The insane heat that's going on here in Texas is not only taking out people's car batteries but apparently the coolant as well. Somewhere along the way this year I was either slow on or missed a coolant refill, which caused a crack inside the engine somewhere, which allowed leaks that were undetectable from the outside that caused catastrophic engine failure.  In the end, I could even buy a new engine for seven grand or buy a new car.  My Ford was pronounced dead on a Monday and on Thursday I was the owner of a 2017 Hyundai. We were hoping to get at least three more years out of my car (which conveniently mea

With the holidays upon us, life for us all is getting hectic.   Whether you are hosting, traveling, or just existing in America right now there is a hustle to the world that is hard to shut out. At our house, for Thanksgiving, we caught a stomach bug.   My husband felt ill for one night, went to Thanksgiving dinner, ate all the pie and went about his life.   I made it through Black Friday at the bookstore (it’s even the busiest shopping day of the year for us at a little local bookstore) and CRASHED. I went to bed Friday night after work and proceeded to sleep through Saturday, getting up Sunday and going to work. I can’t remember the last time I got that kind of sick. I haven’t so much as gotten a cold in years, but I crashed hard.   This morning, Wednesday was the first morning I didn’t feel blah when I woke up.   I actually ate something more substantial than oatmeal or toast today.   I had originally planned on making mulled wine and doing Christmas chores around the house toda

I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed and overrun these days. There’s the typical holiday season nonsense happening, some exciting stuff, and some this-is-what-happens-as-you-get-older stuff.   A couple of things will pass with time (hosting two separate family get-togethers back to back), some of it will come with time (my father-in-law moving in), some of it is unavoidable (12-year-old cars just have issues), and one thing has the potential to start me down a path I’ve always wanted to be on (a publisher accepting a book proposal). Overwhelmed doesn’t have to be because of negative things. Overall what it’s boiling down to is I’m feeling out of control. So, naturally, I’m taking steps to get myself feeling more in control. I’m a To-Do List veteran, and over the years have perfected my system. Do I always get everything done? Nope. But it helps me keep track of things. Keeping on top of the must-be-done items is something I’ve gotten pretty good at. I very rar

I have been feeling so overwhelmed for the last few months. So much has been going on, most of it out of my control, and I’ve just retreated into Netflix to cope. Three months ago, my husband and I had to put Scout-the-dog to sleep. He very suddenly started having neurological issues.   At first, a round of meds took care of it.   Then the symptoms came back, stronger and within 24 hours we had to make the decision. I am very grateful both I and my husband were able to be there with Scout-the-dog in his final moments. We’d only had him for about four years, but he was our first shared pet, both of our first dog, and he was a very important member of our pack. Much sooner than we expected, the universe put another dog in our path. We met our neighbor’s foster dog JackJack. We both instantly fell in love and a month later we welcomed him into our pack. Scout-the-dog was an elderly and sick dog when we got him.   We made him as comfortable as we could while we had him.   But

I’m in a confusing place with my mental health. I’m coming off a go-get-‘em phase that the spring brought with it and am now in an over-committed, over-whelmed anxious place. I want to things, but I’ve gotten myself into a position where I don’t know where to start so it’s easier not to do anything. As a matter of fact, “blog” has been on my to-do lists for weeks. I knew what I wanted to write about.   I’ve been writing this post in my head for 10 days.   But the idea of grabbing my computer and actually writing it all down was a step too far for me to take. It’s a confusing place to be aware of what’s happening and why it’s happening but having no real desire to make changes to help. During the spring, when I was in an Up mood, I thought about doing a bit of research so I could be better armed with information when the next Down mood came.   I was not expecting the Down mood to come so soon. Having not done deeper research, I didn’t know that a Down mood would come so

I guess you could say I’m in a mildly manic phase right now.   I’m not really sure what else to call the “up” periods of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I’ve got loads of perk and energy and it’s noticeable.   I had a coworker say to me “I’m not sure if your positivity is infectious or pathological.” And I suppose it’s a fair reaction when your manager is singing a little tune narrating how she’s going to set you up to count down your registers. One of the symptoms of SAD that has always affected me is lethargy and sleeping all the time. My mom always talks about when I was a kid, I was a 12-hour baby. You could set your clock by me, put me to bed at 7 pm I wouldn’t wake up until 7 am. As I grew and became a teen I still slept like crazy and no matter when I went to bed, I was sleeping in on weekends or sleeping until the last possible moment. I can get out the door in ten minutes- I’ve perfected it. Except in the spring and summer in which I’d stay up all night doing nothing becau

www.thenorthernlight.org I’m not sure what to do with myself. Things are going well. Now that the seasons have changed, I’m sleeping better, I have more energy, and I’m getting shit done.   It feels so good to be out of the slump that zapped my energy, made me want to sleep all day and stole all my motivation. #AbsForApril coincided nicely, helping provide motivation to get to the gym.   Of course, working out – in turn- provides the endorphins to keep me up and running and it turns into an awesome cycle of good moods. At the start of May, I took a week off work and the gym and reset myself, getting rid of to-do lists and goals and obligations. I watched TV mostly, snuggled with Scout-the-Dog and got caught up on being lazy.   Unlike my usual self, after my vacation, I hit the gym running and am still going strong showing up for class regularly without my husband having to kick me out of bed. It’s amazing how a simple change in the weather can bring about such a

#AbsforApril is coming to a close. I’ve been at it for three weeks.   There’s a new ab routine every week and its been amping up each and every Sunday. This is the start of the last full week in April and I’m surprisingly still going strong. I have been clean of all sweets, alcohol, and fast food. Of course, for April, Whataburger (best fast food place EVER) introduced a Dr. Pepper Shake and I’ve had to be without for the last three weeks, and I have to make it one week longer.   As a Texan, missing out on Whataburger AND Dr. Pepper is a travesty. But I’m doing it. I even made it through Easter without my favorite candy: Reeses Peanutbutter Eggs. The hardest part, which I knew would be the hardest, is no one-the-way-home-pizza pickups. I’ve managed, and I’m actually pretty damn proud of myself for it.   Pizza is a huge weakness for me and I’ve not stopped by Little Ceasars all month. When I have had to stop at the grocery store for something for dinner, I’ve

Oh, good gods, what have I done? One of the things I love about ilovekickboxing.com is when I signed up, I told them I needed help with accountability.   Because as is blindly obvious- I have shit will power and even worse follow through. I can talk a big game, and plan all day long but actually doing something?   Yeah, I suck at that part. In support of my need for accountability, I got called out on Facebook.   The gym has a closed Facebook page and when they announced the #AbsForApril challenge.   One of the trainers tagged me, said “hey you should do this!” and the public-ish pressure worked.   I agreed to do it. Here are the rules: Go to the gym at least 3x a week Do the prescribed Ab exercises 2x a day at least 3x a week. Make two dietary changes This week’s ab routine is: 15 each:               Leg Lifts                              Straight Leg Sit Ups                              X Ups                              Toe Touches 30

Today is so much better than the last update. Yesterday, I originally planned to go to the gym before tackling my To-Do list.   I couldn’t get myself up.   I did get my list done, otherwise, including doing the taxes, so I’m not too stressed over skipping yesterday. Especially since today I got up and went.   I had to talk myself into it. I thought maybe instead of 9 am, I’d get myself to the 5:25 pm class (yeah, right!).   Maybe I’d go someday this week before work (I mean… it’s like I don’t know myself!) But, my next day off isn’t until Monday (today’s Tuesday) so I got up and went anyway. I’m proud of talking myself into it.   It’s so easy to convince myself that I’m too tired, that I “deserve” some extra sleep, or I’ll do it later.   Plus, I promised myself a shirt from the gym’s pro-shop if I made it every week in February.   I did miss one week due to an actual injury, so I’m letting that one slide.   A lower-back injury is a valid reason not to go to kickboxing.  

I had a good streak going, but today I crashed.   As I’m learning to live with a new reality, I’m also learning what does and doesn’t work. For instance, “feeling better” doesn’t mean I don’t need to do the things I know I need to do.   It’s crazy, I’ve had this conversation with friends before.   When your chosen medication is working and you’re feeling better- it doesn’t mean you don’t need it anymore…. It just means it’s working. I know that. I stopped anyway. And here I am, with a very short To-Do list in front of me and no motivation or energy to do it.   Hell, several items on my list are computer based, sit on your butt, type a few words- type items and it took me three hours to work up the energy to even turn my computer on. Other items on my list include washing the bed sheets- another sit on your butt for the most part chore that I can’t wrap my head around moving the sheets out of the dryer and the blanket into the dryer. I’ve lived this way for most of my life.

image credit Favorite Run Facebook Group I have officially worked out more in February than I have in all of November – January. Twice. That’s barely anything in the grand scheme of things, but it’s huge compared to what I’ve been able to convince myself to do recently. In working with depression, I’ve decided to go with small steps.   For the month of February, I’ve decided to go to the gym at least once every week.   And, in the spirit of encouragement, if I make my goal, I’m going to get myself a piece of swag from the gym’s pro-shop. I’m going for encouragement and reward for realistic goals to hopefully avoid a shame spiral.   One of the things that kept me from getting back to the gym sooner was the anxiety of what it would be like when I got back.   I go to a small-ish kickboxing gym where the trainers are really good about remembering people and making them feel like they’re excited to see you.   Accountability is a big thing with them (which, I obviousl

A little over 23 days ago most people were making their New Years Resolutions.   I was knee deep in a small journey in self-realization that involved a lot of research and confusion. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, a form of depression that is greatly affective by the seasons.   Because of this new news in my life, I decided not to make traditional resolutions this year.   I’m not setting firm, hard goals that will most likely be abandoned before February is over.   I’m not setting myself up to be disappointed next December when I don’t radically change my life in ways that I’ve been trying- and failing- to change for decades.   This year I’m going on a more spiritual path. 2019 will be my year of Self Care. I’m not going to hide behind helping others, putting myself third, fourth, or fifth in the line of priority. I’m putting myself first and, when needed, second but never less than second this year. Being supportive of the mental health needs of those around m

Depression is a hell of a thing.   I’m still struggling to wrap my head around all this, but the more I think about it, and the more I investigate it, the more it all makes sense. My family has a history of depression, both diagnosed and undiagnosed. It’s something I grew up around and it was never stigmatized.   I’ve always appreciated that about my parents, but I’ve never fully come to be properly grateful for it until now. Without divulging other people’s personal information, I have several family members and several childhood friends with diagnosed depression.   It’s never been an issue or sticking point with me, it’s just been a part of my loved ones.   But it’s always been something that other people dealt with.   My job was to support them and be understanding. It’s a bit strange finding myself dealing with it while my loved ones are being understanding of me.   I’m not sure if this is something that I’ve always been dealing with, or if it’s new.   Up until last year