Fat Nerd Fit

A little over 23 days ago most people were making their New Years Resolutions.   I was knee deep in a small journey in self-realization that involved a lot of research and confusion. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, a form of depression that is greatly affective by the seasons.   Because of this new news in my life, I decided not to make traditional resolutions this year.   I’m not setting firm, hard goals that will most likely be abandoned before February is over.   I’m not setting myself up to be disappointed next December when I don’t radically change my life in ways that I’ve been trying- and failing- to change for decades.   This year I’m going on a more spiritual path. 2019 will be my year of Self Care. I’m not going to hide behind helping others, putting myself third, fourth, or fifth in the line of priority. I’m putting myself first and, when needed, second but never less than second this year. Being supportive of the mental health...

I adored kickboxing class, even if I'm still sore and a bit stiff from it. But, the hoped inspiration and boost of starting something new is working. All week for my lunches I've been taking fresh, raw veggies with hummus and fruit to work. I've been staying away from the café and vending machine. No Starbucks. No cream in the coffee. It feels good to have things closer on track. I’m still not at 100%. I had pizza one night for dinner. But, I’m moving forward at a good pace. I’ve got class planned again for Friday, and depending on a couple factors, I may hit one up on Wednesday, too. I think Wednesday and Friday could be regular class days for me with my current work schedule. But we have possible out of town family member dropping in Wednesday this week. I had a job interview last week for a promotion, that is also at a closer location, last week and it felt pretty good. I don’t want to start counting eggs, so I’m trying to keep things in prospective. I am...

I feel like this is a confession. I, allegedly, started this blog to share a journey to physical fitness and overall health. So far, that’s been a total fair. In 2018. I have a goal of losing 50 pounds. So far, I’ve lost 1. In six months, ONE POUND. That’s no even really losing, that’s maintaining. A while ago I’d be sitting here waxing poetic about how maintaining, is still a victory because it’s not a gain. I’d be making excuses to try to stay positive. I’d do what I could to stay up beat about all this. Part of me still wants to. I haven’t failed I just haven’t succeeded, either. Stay positive. Be positive. No negative. Don’t be a downer…. I can’t keep doing that. At least not right now. The last few months I’ve been putting myself on the backburner. With house-hunting, -buying- and -moving I’ve allowed myself to say, “now’s not a good time” and “we’re too busy” and “other things are more important.” I know I’m not alone in constantly putting everything else...

So, I've become a mealprep kind of gal. With my schedule at the store plus a household to run it's become necessary and helpful. When left to my own devices, I'll run to the store for a frozen pizza or even make my own from scratch if I have all I need. Pizza is a downfall for me and I can't tell you what is is about it that makes it a weakness for me. Because I work a random smattering of weeknights and my husband works Sunday-Wednesday nights there's not a whole lot of reason to cook. When it's just me I have that "no one will know" cushion and on the rare day both me and hubby are off we tend to get in as much "us" time as possible and not cook, but head out to eat and do something. Because husband works nights and has an unpredictable meal time (he's a CSI with the local police department) I've been making his dinners for months, now. I'll make him an entree and he'll pack some snack-like sides and be on his way. He...

We've well established that I've been hanging out next to the wagon, talking about getting on but not quite able to bring myself to do it. This week, I had the best of intentions. I planned ahead and when I went to the store I stuck to my list, didn't splurge, and kept it clean. I even went to the farmer's market for fresh veggies. I meal prepped. I have a fridge full of salads, hummus (homemade) and sliced veggies. Fruit, pealed and ready to eat. Fresh brewed Green Tea. I've been eating pizza all week. I started my period on Monday morning. Usually my period is a total non-issue for me. Make sure I have some tampons on hand and maybe a single dose of Midol at the start and I'm business as usual. Not this week. My back cramped, my stomach cramped, I'm bloated, I'm craving meat (I've been a vegetarian for almost six years), I'm exhausted. It's so strange. I've been handling my period every month for over twenty years no...

So I'm still in a funk. It's strange. Nothing bad is happening. I don't have any problems holding me back. My relationship with my husband is solid. My dog's medial treatments are going well. The bills are paid. We have no problem meeting our needs. I love my job. I'm just.... blah. I go to work, have fun there, come home talk with my husband, have dinner, play with the dog and go to bed. Or on days off I do the laundry, catch up on TV, play with the dog, surf the net. Oh. And think about how I should be out running. There's always that. I think and talk a good game but can't get my ass up off the couch to do it. The weather is nice. There's a great walking/running trail near my home. I have the time. Not the motivation. I'm not motivated to do anything that I usually love. I'm not writing, I'm not crafting, I'm not cooking, I'm not doing anything. I can't put my finger on why. If I could pinpoint i...

Things have not gotten any better for me emotionally. I got the official "we're going another direction" from one place where I did three interviews and am just past a week of no word from another place where I've done four interviews. I've still been getting some decent hours at the store, but full time minimum wage doesn't go far. We've resorted to carrying a balance on our credit card, for essentials only- groceries, gas, vet bills for the pup. I've thrown myself into to-do lists and trying to keep everything as perfect as possible, even if the money isn't there. I've had a 30-40 hour work week, plus repeat vet visits for the pup's heartworm treatments, and on top of that have been trying to tackle everything hearth and home on my own. When I was working once or twice a week I told my husband (who works 40+ hours a week in law enforcement) that I would take care of the apartment since I was home with plenty of time on my hands. ...

One of the terms that comes up over and over again in the From Fat to Finish Line Facebook group is "NSV" or Non Scale Victory. I hadn't really taken this side of the journey into consideration until I starting seeing other people's victories. When working on weight-loss and health it is so easy to just look at the scale as the only tool of measurement. When I confessed my weight to the group at the New Year one of the first comments I got was to only weigh once a month and not focus solely on the number as there is so much more to take into consideration. Yes, we celebrate everyone's weight loss numbers but there is also just as much support and excitement for the NSVs in the group. Yesterday I posted that it was my fourth day with no cream or sugar in my coffee. Over 120 people as of this writing have showed their support for my achievement. From a huge group of people who have either been there, done that, or are struggling themselves, or just starting...

I was very hopeful that my plantar fasciitis was going to clear up by now. It continues to noticeably improve, but it's still not healed to a place where I can get out and actively exercise. It's easy to sit here and swear that I'd totally be hitting the gym and/or the road if only I could be out there, but I feel like I'd at least would have made two or three workouts in the last two weeks if I'd be able to. That's still not the every other day I've got my eyes set on and it's certainly not the every day my subconscious ego swears it would be, but two or three times in two weeks is a true estimation of what I've lost out on. It's still a win for me, though. Not very long ago I would be quite happy sitting on the couch for two weeks with my feet up. I'd have a six pack of beer, a pizza delivery on its way and be planning on wine and Chinese take away tomorrow. I'm actually kind of proud of myself that I am anxious to get out there. ...

Sorry I've been MIA for the last week. I got the flu right after Thanksgiving and promptly went down for the count. I've talked before about several of the Facebook groups I'm part of and am a member of a couple others as well. I really like all the positive attitudes and inspirational stories that I see every time I log in. There is also another weird side effect of those stories. I don't feel like I'm good enough, or something enough when I think about how awesome everyone else is doing. This member runs at a 9 minute mile and thinks they're slow. This member has lost 70 pounds so far this year. This member has been taken off their diabetes medication due to their hard work. I know that it's all about hard work and these people were all once someone who thought "Dude, I need to fix this." I can't help comparing myself to what people have already done and not allowing myself the time to get there. No one did it overnight, and whi...