Fat Nerd Fit

With the holidays upon us, life for us all is getting hectic.   Whether you are hosting, traveling, or just existing in America right now there is a hustle to the world that is hard to shut out. At our house, for Thanksgiving, we caught a stomach bug.   My husband felt ill for one night, went to Thanksgiving dinner, ate all the pie and went about his life.   I made it through Black Friday at the bookstore (it’s even the busiest shopping day of the year for us at a little local bookstore) and CRASHED. I went to bed Friday night after work and proceeded to sleep through Saturday, getting up Sunday and going to work. I can’t remember the last time I got that kind of sick. I haven’t so much as gotten a cold in years, but I crashed hard.   This morning, Wednesday was the first morning I didn’t feel blah when I woke up.   I actually ate something more substantial than oatmeal or toast today.   I had originally planned on making mulled wine and doing Christmas...

I’m in a confusing place with my mental health. I’m coming off a go-get-‘em phase that the spring brought with it and am now in an over-committed, over-whelmed anxious place. I want to things, but I’ve gotten myself into a position where I don’t know where to start so it’s easier not to do anything. As a matter of fact, “blog” has been on my to-do lists for weeks. I knew what I wanted to write about.   I’ve been writing this post in my head for 10 days.   But the idea of grabbing my computer and actually writing it all down was a step too far for me to take. It’s a confusing place to be aware of what’s happening and why it’s happening but having no real desire to make changes to help. During the spring, when I was in an Up mood, I thought about doing a bit of research so I could be better armed with information when the next Down mood came.   I was not expecting the Down mood to come so soon. Having not done deeper research, I didn’t know that a Down mood ...

I guess you could say I’m in a mildly manic phase right now.   I’m not really sure what else to call the “up” periods of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I’ve got loads of perk and energy and it’s noticeable.   I had a coworker say to me “I’m not sure if your positivity is infectious or pathological.” And I suppose it’s a fair reaction when your manager is singing a little tune narrating how she’s going to set you up to count down your registers. One of the symptoms of SAD that has always affected me is lethargy and sleeping all the time. My mom always talks about when I was a kid, I was a 12-hour baby. You could set your clock by me, put me to bed at 7 pm I wouldn’t wake up until 7 am. As I grew and became a teen I still slept like crazy and no matter when I went to bed, I was sleeping in on weekends or sleeping until the last possible moment. I can get out the door in ten minutes- I’ve perfected it. Except in the spring and summer in which I’d stay up all night doing noth...

I had a good streak going, but today I crashed.   As I’m learning to live with a new reality, I’m also learning what does and doesn’t work. For instance, “feeling better” doesn’t mean I don’t need to do the things I know I need to do.   It’s crazy, I’ve had this conversation with friends before.   When your chosen medication is working and you’re feeling better- it doesn’t mean you don’t need it anymore…. It just means it’s working. I know that. I stopped anyway. And here I am, with a very short To-Do list in front of me and no motivation or energy to do it.   Hell, several items on my list are computer based, sit on your butt, type a few words- type items and it took me three hours to work up the energy to even turn my computer on. Other items on my list include washing the bed sheets- another sit on your butt for the most part chore that I can’t wrap my head around moving the sheets out of the dryer and the blanket into the dryer. I’ve lived this way f...

A little over 23 days ago most people were making their New Years Resolutions.   I was knee deep in a small journey in self-realization that involved a lot of research and confusion. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, a form of depression that is greatly affective by the seasons.   Because of this new news in my life, I decided not to make traditional resolutions this year.   I’m not setting firm, hard goals that will most likely be abandoned before February is over.   I’m not setting myself up to be disappointed next December when I don’t radically change my life in ways that I’ve been trying- and failing- to change for decades.   This year I’m going on a more spiritual path. 2019 will be my year of Self Care. I’m not going to hide behind helping others, putting myself third, fourth, or fifth in the line of priority. I’m putting myself first and, when needed, second but never less than second this year. Being supportive of the mental health...

I’ve been trying to process what’s been going on in my personal life, and to be honest I still don’t really know how I’m feeling about it, or how to go about handling it. November has been a hard month. My dad has been in and out of the hospital with heart problems. At one point his heart was working at 15% capacity. It all hit out of nowhere. It started out as a trip to the emergency room with an “Eh, we can fix this no problem” diagnosis and some follow ups with specialists. Then it became “Well, this is a bit worse than we thought, but some cardiac rehab and a few meds and we’ll be good to go.” Then it became “Okay, so we’re going do a procedure next week which should fix the issue.” Then that turned into a two week stay at the hospital, several days sedated in the ICU and a probability of in-patient rehab. And we finally landed on getting to go home having home healthcare come in to help him with rehab. This wasn’t my family’s first brush with scary medical situations (my m...

A little over a month ago, I started a food journal. I would jot down what I was eating on a given day to get a handle on what I was doing to myself. I started out just eating normally and got a base line. I didn’t want to make the food journal a chore or something I over-thought, so I literally would just make note of the food, not worrying about serving amounts or calories. I didn’t want to turn it into a science project or algebra problem. It’d be as simple as: Wednesday: Waffles with syrup Black coffee Pasta with spinach and mushrooms Apple Pizza Lots of water It was something I could do once a day, or even be able to keep up with every other day and still get an accurate account of what I was eating. I’d put in there eating habits I was proud of “didn’t eat the brownies in the break room” and “convinced myself not to buy candy from the vending machine”. I also, about once a week, used it as an actual journal writing about what was going on at work, at home, jus...

Last night was class number two at ilovekickboxing.com. I went last Friday for my first class and holy heck did it kick my butt. I loved almost every second of class number one (the cardio warm up is a killer), but when I woke up Saturday morning I WAS SORE!! My legs were all kinds of stiff and no amount of pain reliever was going to make a difference. At work that night my manager noticed I was walking stiffly and came by to make sure I was okay. Wednesday was my first pain/stiffness/soreness free day after my Friday class. I super wanted to go back to class Wednesday night, but my sis-in-law (who lives across the country) was in town for a one night only appearance on her way somewhere else. Not going to lie, there was a huge part of me that wanted to go to kickboxing. Which I know makes that huge part of me a terrible person. But, my siblings-in-law are all awesome and I went to dinner with them and got to spend time with someone I only see once or twice a year. I’m glad I d...

I adored kickboxing class, even if I'm still sore and a bit stiff from it. But, the hoped inspiration and boost of starting something new is working. All week for my lunches I've been taking fresh, raw veggies with hummus and fruit to work. I've been staying away from the café and vending machine. No Starbucks. No cream in the coffee. It feels good to have things closer on track. I’m still not at 100%. I had pizza one night for dinner. But, I’m moving forward at a good pace. I’ve got class planned again for Friday, and depending on a couple factors, I may hit one up on Wednesday, too. I think Wednesday and Friday could be regular class days for me with my current work schedule. But we have possible out of town family member dropping in Wednesday this week. I had a job interview last week for a promotion, that is also at a closer location, last week and it felt pretty good. I don’t want to start counting eggs, so I’m trying to keep things in prospective. I am...

Last night was my first kickboxing class at my local ilovekickboxing.com studio. My legs hurt today in all the best ways. I adored class and you better believe I signed up for a one-year membership before I left the studio. The one downside is the price of membership and how the company tends to keep it under wraps for the most part. When I sighed up for their internet special (5 Classes for $19.99 plus a pair of boxing gloves) I started scouting their website to check membership pricing. They are up front about the “After your first class we’ll show you how to save $100 on membership!”- so you know after class it’s time for the hard sell, but it’s not advertised on their website what you’re saving $100 on. I did some digging and googling and found the structure of membership. Being armed with that info when I went in and having time to discuss the membership costs with my husband beforehand, I was comfortable with the hard sell approach and there was no sticker shock. Here’...

I’m trying to be more real with myself. I’ve been keeping a food journal with little notes like “said no to bunt cake!” and “walked past the donuts!” and one “Husband’s birthday celebration.” This last week was rough. There was a lot going on in not a lot of time. I was working, dog sitting (which takes up my lunch break), and babysitting, and it was my husband’s birthday- and then, you know, trying to run a house. I made some poor decisions. There was a trip to CiCis. There was a frozen pizza for dinner. But, even with how full my calendar was, I made fewer poor decisions than I have in just a normal week. Even with the pizza and junk food, I ate this week- I still made more good decisions than I did in a normal week. I’m okay with that. And, the good food choices that I have been making are making it easier to keep going. We had two birthday dinners for my husband (one friends, one family) and I only had one cupcake and declined the cake at the second dinner. I bought a ...

This weekend has been full of Achievement Unlocked level adulting. We officially have possession of the house and have spent the last two days working away at getting it ready to move in. Turns out, I’m a do-it-yourself type of person. This weekend I learned, on the fly, how to: 1) Patch holes in drywall 2) Change the locks and handles on a door 3) Paint an entire house interior 4) Re-grout a shower We are still in progress on the painting, but danged if I didn’t just waltz into Home Depot ready to get shit done. The satisfaction of looking at something and saying “I did that” really fueled me all weekend. Getting your hands dirty and fixing up your own house is very rewarding. Sure, I could have called a locksmith to rekey the house for $75…. Or for $83 I could not only rekey the doors but change out those horrible doorknobs no appointment needed! (Time was a bit of a factor the previous owners left the final key “under the trash can” and we never found it.) Turns out, ...

So much has been going on! I hardly can believe all the changes going on in my world that I don’t even know where to begin. I guess, least awesome first. At my last one-on-one with my manager, I asked her what I could be doing now to position myself for a promotion when an opening came along. Basically, there are two areas I can train in to help develop my skills for the store and develop leadership skills. Today, I started training in one of those areas which give me the absolute slightest edge of authority. Once I train in the second area I will be two steps down from an assistant manager at my store, but one step down at any other location. I’m hoping to move to another location in the next six months or so because…… We’re buying a house! My husband and I have been on the prowl around town for several months now and, barring anything crazy, we close on a house on Friday! We’re moving from a one-bedroom apartment to a three bed/two bath house with a yard for Scout-the-dog...