A little over 23 days ago most people were making their New
Years Resolutions. I was knee deep in a
small journey in self-realization that involved a lot of research and confusion.
I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, a form of depression
that is greatly affective by the seasons.
Because of this new news in my life, I decided not to make traditional
resolutions this year. I’m not setting
firm, hard goals that will most likely be abandoned before February is
over. I’m not setting myself up to be
disappointed next December when I don’t radically change my life in ways that I’ve
been trying- and failing- to change for decades.
This year I’m going on a more spiritual path.
2019 will be my year of Self Care.
I’m not going to hide behind helping others, putting myself
third, fourth, or fifth in the line of priority.
I’m putting myself first and, when needed, second but never less than second
this year.
Being supportive of the mental health needs of those around
me has been a priority of mine for most of my life. I grew up in a house hold that benefited greatly
from the discovery of mental health care and medication. That made me open and understanding to
friends who benefited from mental health care, and I formed life long bonds
that I place a high value on.
But, my focus on supporting others helped distract me from
my own challenges. I think for quite a while I have been aware of my depressive
times, but because they’re not “as bad” (whatever that means) as those around
me that it wasn’t as important.
Thanks to my personal friends being open about their
struggles and celebrities like Wil Wheaton and Mara Wilson being so open, I
have come to notice and accept what I have always just brushed under the rug.
This year I am going to concentrate on self-care and self-acceptance.
January has been a big mental game. There’s been research,
discussion with my husband, and implementing small changes.
I’m still making a point to get direct sunlight when I
can. Eating hasn’t been much of a
priority for me the last couple weeks. I’ve
been swinging back and forth between not really eating and indulging in
cravings, but when I have the energy to, I’ve been eating fresh fruits. When the weather allows, I’ve been getting fresh
air into the house (which Scout-the-dog really likes).
I’ve found myself being more productive the last couple of
weeks that I had been over the last couple of months. I’m not trying to do everything, but just concentrating
on the essentials. Laundry and the
dishes have been my main priorities. Past that everything is a bonus.
February I’m going to try to get to the gym once a
week. That’s the only thing I’m going to
try to add. I have a bad habit of trying to do too much too fast and burning
myself out.
Small steps.
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