2019- The Year of Self Care

A little over 23 days ago most people were making their New Years Resolutions.  I was knee deep in a small journey in self-realization that involved a lot of research and confusion.

I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, a form of depression that is greatly affective by the seasons.  Because of this new news in my life, I decided not to make traditional resolutions this year.  I’m not setting firm, hard goals that will most likely be abandoned before February is over.  I’m not setting myself up to be disappointed next December when I don’t radically change my life in ways that I’ve been trying- and failing- to change for decades. 

This year I’m going on a more spiritual path.

2019 will be my year of Self Care.

I’m not going to hide behind helping others, putting myself third, fourth, or fifth in the line of priority. I’m putting myself first and, when needed, second but never less than second this year.

Being supportive of the mental health needs of those around me has been a priority of mine for most of my life.  I grew up in a house hold that benefited greatly from the discovery of mental health care and medication.  That made me open and understanding to friends who benefited from mental health care, and I formed life long bonds that I place a high value on.

But, my focus on supporting others helped distract me from my own challenges. I think for quite a while I have been aware of my depressive times, but because they’re not “as bad” (whatever that means) as those around me that it wasn’t as important.

Thanks to my personal friends being open about their struggles and celebrities like Wil Wheaton and Mara Wilson being so open, I have come to notice and accept what I have always just brushed under the rug.

This year I am going to concentrate on self-care and self-acceptance.

January has been a big mental game. There’s been research, discussion with my husband, and implementing small changes.

I’m still making a point to get direct sunlight when I can.  Eating hasn’t been much of a priority for me the last couple weeks.  I’ve been swinging back and forth between not really eating and indulging in cravings, but when I have the energy to, I’ve been eating fresh fruits.  When the weather allows, I’ve been getting fresh air into the house (which Scout-the-dog really likes).

I’ve found myself being more productive the last couple of weeks that I had been over the last couple of months.  I’m not trying to do everything, but just concentrating on the essentials.  Laundry and the dishes have been my main priorities. Past that everything is a bonus.

February I’m going to try to get to the gym once a week.  That’s the only thing I’m going to try to add. I have a bad habit of trying to do too much too fast and burning myself out.

Small steps.