A Small Victory Over Depression

Depression is a hell of a thing.  I’m still struggling to wrap my head around all this, but the more I think about it, and the more I investigate it, the more it all makes sense.

My family has a history of depression, both diagnosed and undiagnosed. It’s something I grew up around and it was never stigmatized.  I’ve always appreciated that about my parents, but I’ve never fully come to be properly grateful for it until now.

Without divulging other people’s personal information, I have several family members and several childhood friends with diagnosed depression.  It’s never been an issue or sticking point with me, it’s just been a part of my loved ones.  But it’s always been something that other people dealt with.  My job was to support them and be understanding.

It’s a bit strange finding myself dealing with it while my loved ones are being understanding of me.  I’m not sure if this is something that I’ve always been dealing with, or if it’s new.  Up until last year, I’ve always been able to blame exhaustion, frustration, and melancholy on hating my job. Five days or more a week of working in an office doing a job I was fully unsatisfied with naturally leads to dread, fatigue, and emotional eating.

Now that I have a job I truly enjoy, a husband I love, and a life that feels fulfilling and – for lack of a better word- right, a sudden switch in overall demeanor, energy level, and motivation really sticks out. At first, I thought it was just a temporary issue triggered by my father’s sudden ill health.  But, now that he’s not only on the mend but thriving, that explanation didn’t make any sense.

The symptoms kept lingering around, and none of my usual “think happy thoughts” worked.  I couldn’t get myself to “snap out of it”. I was getting down on myself for being so down and all I could think about was all the stuff I hadn’t managed to do, all the things I should have been doing but wasn’t, how everything was just falling to the way side and all I wanted to do was sleep in, go to bed early, and eat pasta.

The thing is, I’d never tell my family or friends to “snap out of it” when they were having a depressive episode.  Never have. Never would. And randomly one day it occurred to me that I wasn’t treating myself with the respect I give others.

I deserve that respect just as much as they do.

That sort of sparked an epiphany.

I looked up the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder and started checking them off.

According to the internet, which is always right, I check off a good deal of the classic symptoms. Given my family history, it makes sense.

I’ve been doing some research and taking steps to help combat the situation.

1-      I spoke about my concerns to my husband and we got on the same page.

2-      Every time I let the dog out, I take a few minutes to stand in the fresh air and soak up what little sun there is out there.

3-      I’ve been avoiding alcohol and sweets, which can just exasperate the symptoms.

4-      I’ve made a special effort to include fresh fruit and veg in my diet.

5-      I’m taking extra vitamins to help with any deficiencies in my diet since I’m not really into eating most days.

6-      I’m busting out the essential oils to help with the anxiety and mood swings.

7-      I’ve given myself permission to have bad days.

8-      I’ve lowered my expectations for myself.

Today was my first good day in months, the sun was out and in true Texas fashion it’s in the low 70s in January.  I took full advantage and went for it.

The windows have been open all day, letting in fresh air and sun light. I made myself a manageable to-do list and have been crossing things off all day. 

-          Laundry done

-          Dog bathed

-          Kitchen mopped

-          Bathroom cleaned

-          Living room vacuumed

-          Refrigerator cleaned out

I even put some just for me items on my to-do list

-          Ordered something from Amazon that I’ve been wanting for months

-          Gave myself a facial

-          Did a deep conditioning hair mask

-          Watched a movie

I’m hoping that by getting so many little things done today when the weather goes back to dark and cold later this week, I can alleviate some of the little pressures that build up.

It’s an interesting and new journey to be on.