I have been extremely blessed with first-world problems in the last few weeks. I am not about to try to say that things are “hard” or that I’m having any sort of actual problems, but I will admit that I am overwhelmed. After years of struggling at jobs I hated, struggling to pay the bills, having no clear path forward, and no real idea how to get to where I wanted to go…. In the course of two weeks, all that has cleared up and I am overwhelmed with gratitude and bewilderment.
I love the job I have. I work at a bookstore, running the graphic novels/manga/RPG sections. I call myself a professional nerd and booklover. I love the people at my store. I enjoy the customers. Recently the company gave raises across the board which really helps with getting all the bills paid. Almost right after I was given two bumps in responsibility giving me a clear path of possible promotion in the company and the support to feel like I can get there. I’m at a loss for what to do with a job I love that pays pretty decently working for a company that clearly cares about its people.
All at the same time my husband and I found ourselves in the position of being about to buy a house and after weeks of run-run-run-run-run, we came to a screeching halt when everything was said and done. We are now first-time homeowners starting up the run-run-run of getting ready to move. I started a to-do list free-style and it’s already a page and a half of things as vague as “vacuum” and as specific as “grout master bathroom shower.”
There are walls to paint, carpets to clean, refrigerators to buy, setting up electricity/internet/cable, getting estimates for repairs, arranging care for Scout-the-dog while we move, cleaning, installing, repairing the drywall (a hole the previous owners conveniently had covered with furniture until after closing), curtains to measure for, lawns to mow…. The list goes on for pages. I have no idea where to even start.
And, I’ve got my first regular writing gig over at Gateworld.net and I want to do right by my current and potential readers. (Who would ever complain about having to watch a great show!)
I honestly have almost everything I’ve always wanted. A good job. Bills covered. A great hobby. An outlet for my writing. A home that we own. The time and means to do work for charity (shout out Hogwarts and Whovian Running Clubs!). I am truly happy. I am truly content. If this is as good as it gets, I’ve got it pretty damn good. My husband and I are blessed beyond words. I am not complaining.
But I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s all so overwhelming. I feel like a total ass complaining about how good I have it. Here I sit on my couch, with my healthy dog by my side. My husband is at work doing something he has always wanted to do. We are making a huge, positive change, in our lives and we are communicating and thriving during a process that can cause a lot of fights and stress between couples. Our jobs are being accommodating to these changes. Our friends and family are being supportive.
It’s almost like I don’t know what to do without the struggle. Without the frustration. Getting what you’ve worked for can be exciting and rewarding. It can leave you with an entirely new set of responsibilities that you’re not sure how to go about tackling, but it can also leave you a bit…. Driftless I guess is the word?
Yes, I have this huge to-do list, but most of it must wait until next weekend when husband and I are both off.
Today, for the first time in over a month I was back to my usual weekend to-do list of laundry, sweeping, mopping, grocery shopping, meal prepping, and general getting ready for the workweek and suddenly it doesn’t feel like so much. But, at the same time, I feel like I have so much to do and no time to do it even though right this moment I have nothing that I have to do that I can do. Does that even make sense?
Before we can order our refrigerator, we need to paint the house and we can’t start that for two weeks (because we are blessed to have friends who want to help). So, that’s on the table. I can re-grout and calk the bathrooms next weekend as well as a cursory sweep/mop and vacuum. There’s no point in cleaning the carpets until after we paint. There’s no need to start packing this early- especially with half our things still packed and in our storage unit.
Today, instead of doing all the things on my list, or even find myself worrying about it. Today, I chilled for the first time in what felt like ages. I did some of my stuff: laundry, grocery shopping, meal prep, sweeping… but then I chilled. I took a nice hot shower. I drank a few glasses of wine. I ate my favorite pizza.
I self-cared today. I didn’t worry about it. I just did what I felt like doing.
I’m overwhelmed. I’m grateful. I’m confused. I’m excited. I’m lost. I’m blessed. I’m happy.
And I don’t know how to handle it.
I love the job I have. I work at a bookstore, running the graphic novels/manga/RPG sections. I call myself a professional nerd and booklover. I love the people at my store. I enjoy the customers. Recently the company gave raises across the board which really helps with getting all the bills paid. Almost right after I was given two bumps in responsibility giving me a clear path of possible promotion in the company and the support to feel like I can get there. I’m at a loss for what to do with a job I love that pays pretty decently working for a company that clearly cares about its people.
All at the same time my husband and I found ourselves in the position of being about to buy a house and after weeks of run-run-run-run-run, we came to a screeching halt when everything was said and done. We are now first-time homeowners starting up the run-run-run of getting ready to move. I started a to-do list free-style and it’s already a page and a half of things as vague as “vacuum” and as specific as “grout master bathroom shower.”
There are walls to paint, carpets to clean, refrigerators to buy, setting up electricity/internet/cable, getting estimates for repairs, arranging care for Scout-the-dog while we move, cleaning, installing, repairing the drywall (a hole the previous owners conveniently had covered with furniture until after closing), curtains to measure for, lawns to mow…. The list goes on for pages. I have no idea where to even start.
And, I’ve got my first regular writing gig over at Gateworld.net and I want to do right by my current and potential readers. (Who would ever complain about having to watch a great show!)
I honestly have almost everything I’ve always wanted. A good job. Bills covered. A great hobby. An outlet for my writing. A home that we own. The time and means to do work for charity (shout out Hogwarts and Whovian Running Clubs!). I am truly happy. I am truly content. If this is as good as it gets, I’ve got it pretty damn good. My husband and I are blessed beyond words. I am not complaining.
But I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s all so overwhelming. I feel like a total ass complaining about how good I have it. Here I sit on my couch, with my healthy dog by my side. My husband is at work doing something he has always wanted to do. We are making a huge, positive change, in our lives and we are communicating and thriving during a process that can cause a lot of fights and stress between couples. Our jobs are being accommodating to these changes. Our friends and family are being supportive.
It’s almost like I don’t know what to do without the struggle. Without the frustration. Getting what you’ve worked for can be exciting and rewarding. It can leave you with an entirely new set of responsibilities that you’re not sure how to go about tackling, but it can also leave you a bit…. Driftless I guess is the word?
Yes, I have this huge to-do list, but most of it must wait until next weekend when husband and I are both off.
Today, for the first time in over a month I was back to my usual weekend to-do list of laundry, sweeping, mopping, grocery shopping, meal prepping, and general getting ready for the workweek and suddenly it doesn’t feel like so much. But, at the same time, I feel like I have so much to do and no time to do it even though right this moment I have nothing that I have to do that I can do. Does that even make sense?
Before we can order our refrigerator, we need to paint the house and we can’t start that for two weeks (because we are blessed to have friends who want to help). So, that’s on the table. I can re-grout and calk the bathrooms next weekend as well as a cursory sweep/mop and vacuum. There’s no point in cleaning the carpets until after we paint. There’s no need to start packing this early- especially with half our things still packed and in our storage unit.
Today, instead of doing all the things on my list, or even find myself worrying about it. Today, I chilled for the first time in what felt like ages. I did some of my stuff: laundry, grocery shopping, meal prep, sweeping… but then I chilled. I took a nice hot shower. I drank a few glasses of wine. I ate my favorite pizza.
I self-cared today. I didn’t worry about it. I just did what I felt like doing.
I’m overwhelmed. I’m grateful. I’m confused. I’m excited. I’m lost. I’m blessed. I’m happy.
And I don’t know how to handle it.
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